In my search for answers and the truth these past years or so, I have wondered about the road that I am on, the road on which there is so much beauty and pain. This journey towards the unknown that we call life.
After the tragic loss of my husband I realized that the line separating life and death is so thin and that his absence is so real and so final. It’s this absolute finality that I still have trouble dealing with. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined something like this happening to us.
To understand much of what happened in my life I have done a lot of reading lately.
I have read lots of books on loss and spirituality. And one thing all these writers have taught me is that the end does not matter as much as the process. That if you concentrate too much on the future you lose your sense of the present and of yourself.
They have taught me that failure and success are just terms that all too often determine, often falsely, how we regard our lives and our work. And that setback is a better word for failure, since it is more accommodating of second chances and lessons learned.
And success is such an impersonal word and an exclusive concept. It more often depends on how others see your work and adds obstacles to your path, obstacles of your own making; excessive struggle, extreme effort and undue expectations.
William Faulkner wrote of Mark Twain:
“A hack writer who would not have been considered fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven ‘sure fire’ literary skeletons with sufficient local color to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.”
The books have also taught me that fulfillment is a warmer word and more significant than success. It does not depend on material rewards and is even at the core of all your dreams and your soul’s desires. I learned that only upon clearing my mind of all such mental obstructions would I find myself on the path of least resistance and the right path to achievement and contentment.
On a lighter note, Nan Hays wrote:
“It’s Wonderful-We Hate It
We gave your submission a lot of thought.
It’s one of the best that we almost bought.
We’d just love to receive something else from you;
In all probability we’ll return that, too.
Keep your day job if you need the money.
This won’t pay the bills- but it sure is funny.”