Lately I haven’t done much with my life and my time other than to reflect, to think and to contemplate.
Contemplation: Thought, meditation, study, reflection, consideration.
Agatha Christie wrote:
“One of the odd things in looking back is that, while you remember how things arrived or happened, you never know how or why they disappeared or came to a stop.”
I don’t have to look back to know or remember what happened to make me this unhappy but I am bothered by why it happened. As I have mentioned before, by nature I am a blind optimist and as such a happy person and in no way melancholic or pessimistic. There is nothing much I can do about it I guess. It is who I am and that’s the way I am made. I am happy most of the time until something happens to make me disappointed, unhappy and sad.
On most days now when I sit at my desk to write, I procrastinate and indulge in thoughts and daydreams, wondering, if so-and-so had happened, I would have done so-and-so, or, if so-and-so did not happen, I would have had a different life. But somehow or other I have come to realize that this was my path in life no matter what happened or how things turned out to be. This was how it was meant to be perhaps. Everyone has a role to play in life, everyone has a share in life and this was my share, my role that I have to play now. I have found out the sad way that time is so precious because when it passes you are only left with memories, the sweeter the better. And I look at time differently now and I try to appreciate it more. In the words of Agatha Christie:
“There is nothing more wonderful to have in one’s life, than time.”
When I think of how blind I have been to take everything that came my way or was given to me for granted, including my life, I shudder. The one thing that I learned from my painful experience is that life is a gift that is given to you and that it could be taken away any moment on any day. I have learned that the line separating life and death is so thin and yet when you cross it that is the final deal.
And I think how wonderful it is to be alive. Something I wasn’t that aware of before. And I think to myself that here I am, alive, and here is another day, another step, of my journey to an unknown place.
“That very exciting journey which is your life. Not that it is necessarily going to be exciting as a life, but it will be exciting to you because it is your life. That is one of the great secrets of existence, enjoying the gift of life that has been given to you.” Agatha Christie