Help! Please!


Forgive me if I have been dwelling upon the same thoughts and worries a bit too much lately. Whenever I try to write something I can’t help but complain about how blocked I am or how sad or angry I am. And that I want to get out of this dilemma and take control of my existence. Each time I think I am getting closer to putting everything behind and starting anew I am disappointed by my own thoughts and deeds so much so that to use Piero Ferrucci’s words:

“How often- even before we began- have we declared a task “impossible”? And how often have we constructed a picture of ourselves as being inadequate? … A great deal depends upon the thought patterns we choose and on the persistence with which we affirm them.”

Trust me when I say I have been trying all the methods I can possibly think of to get me started on my writing. But to no avail. What previously worked for me now seems far more than possible. I have tried my old ritual of starting the day by filling my fountain pen with ink.

Pen

I have tried scribbling, jotting down my points and ideas on my notepad. But I stop at that whereas before by the time I was done with my doodling I would be ready at my computer hitting the keys.

I have tried to use different types of pads with different colored paper even though I prefer notepads with white blank paper and no lines. I have even bought myself ink bottles with ink colors like sepia, grey, blue-black, burgundy, green, turquoise, mocha, and bright red. All this to get in touch with and acquire my muse back. Since:

“The most potent muse of all is our inner child.” Stephen Nachmanovitch

I have tried using all the different colors to write with but nothing seems to be working at the moment. It’s as if:

“The Devil himself always seems to get into my inkstand, and I can only exorcise him by pensful at a time.” Nathaniel Hawthorne

I can’t even exorcise him even by a few pensful at a time. I read to get inspired, I prayed, I even took my pencil sharpener from one of the storage boxes, put it on my desk and sharpened a dozen or more pencils, the way Hemingway did before starting his day.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before? What else can I do? What do you suggest?

ChK

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9 Responses to Help! Please!

  1. Come on,tell me what is your book about?And don’t be so disappointed,you didn’t hear about the writers block?Contact me by email
    Madi

  2. Lara Dj. says:

    I had the exact same problem. My issue was the country, it was too cold, the people were cold, life was cold and I felt that we were all working to die….I left and it saved my life. Some things are bigger than you and no matter how many glasses I changed, my perception didn’t because I could not live in that place. I got out and there were wonders waiting for me in the heat. I hope you find your escape or relief in which ever way that works.

  3. susanrouchard says:

    Good advice Lara. But sometimes you cannot escape your own thoughts !
    Dear Chi. Remember that small ray of sunlight, as soon as it appears, leave your home and go walking for at least half an hour and hug a tree, keep walking where there are trees, and breath deeply.

  4. Mirabella Gohary says:

    I don’t know why I’m saying this, but I believe that by taking walks with Sevan; by confiding in her and by sharing the deepest of your thoughts and worries and mostly by praying together, you may find peace and a healing. I love you, I’ll be praying for you.

  5. Daniel says:

    A commitment to growth and learning does not banish sadness and fear. It might even increase them. It did for me. My advice is to be gentle with yourself, and don’t blame yourself because you hit bumps in the road. I appreciate your posts very much.

    • chichikir says:

      Thank you! Maybe I am a bit harsh with myself. I get frustrated and mad and sad specially when I try to get some structure back in my life and follow a certain schedule and it doesn’t work and….:(

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