Is This My Destiny?

Ever since I settled in Montreal four years ago, bad luck has been following me like my own shadow. I have had one misfortune after another and just when I think that it is over, it is not. And I think what have I done wrong in my previous life to have brought this onto myself. There must be something I have done, sometime, somewhere in my life to deserve this. Perhaps it is Karma.

The New Lexicon Webster’s Encyclopedia Dictionary of The English Language defines Karma as ‘the sum total of the acts done in one stage of a person’s existence, which determines his destiny in the next stage.’

While the Concise Oxford Dictionary defines it as the ‘sum of a person’s actions in one of his successive states of existence, viewed as deciding his fate for the next destiny.’

The most comprehensive definition perhaps can be found on Wikipedia ‘Karma is destiny or fate, following as effect from cause. It is a Sanskrit word that means “action”. Karma has commonly been considered a punishment for past bad actions, but karma is neither judge nor jury. Rather it is simply the universal law of cause and effect that says every thought, word and act carries energy into the world and affects our present reality.’

What thought, or word, or act have I committed in my previous life, pre-Montreal life, so that a negative energy is affecting my present reality? What am I guilty of? In my previous life, I had a full time job, a home, a decent life desirable to most. But I turned my back to it all. I said goodbye to a happy and content life and immigrated to Canada to start a new life. To live what I thought of at the time to be a “better life”. Maxim Gorky wrote:

“Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is.”

Was that a bad thing to do? Is this my ‘better life’? Or did I leave it behind? Even though I complained about my situation then, even though I thought I was not happy, I remember how scared I was to make the move. I try to think, I try hard to remember. The only thing that comes to my mind is on the last day of school in Dubai, during my conversation with a parent I told her how frightened I was, how uncertain my future looked. I was afraid I won’t find a job, I was afraid of not being able to cope with a temperature of double digits below zero versus Dubai’s warm and hot weather. I remember how I felt at that particular moment as I remember her exact words when she told me ‘with all the good you have done to all these kids all these years I am sure you’ll have a good life.”

Shall I go back? Can I go back? Is this how it is meant to be for me? Is this my destiny? Can I fight it? In the words of James Clavell:

“Leave the problems of God to God and karma to karma. Today you’re here and nothing you do will change that. Today you are alive and here and honored and blessed with good fortune. Look at this sunset, it’s beautiful, neh? This sunset exists. Tomorrow does not exist. There is only now. Please look. It is so beautiful and it will never happen ever again, never, not this sunset, never in all infinity. Lose yourself in it, make yourself one with nature and do not worry about karma, yours, mine, or that of the village.”


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4 Responses to Is This My Destiny?

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