I Was Afraid

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote:

“To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking.” 

Have you ever thought about the many people you have come to know during your lifetime? Have you ever wondered at some point in your life how and why you have lost contact with them over the years? Some you have willingly driven out of your life, but others you would have loved to keep as a part of your life have disappeared along the way. You have been so busy following your dream or building a career or pursuing your ambitions, only to realize that towards the end when all is said and done, the time you spent with those people, the meaning they brought to your life, are the only moments worth remembering. And then by some turn of fate you meet them once again, they come back into your life, and you realize how stupid you have been in the first place to have let them go. You realize how meaningful and rich your life is with them around you and you don’t want to let them go. But destiny plays its dirty hand again and you move miles and miles away and you wonder whether, all things considered, it’s worth the sacrifice.

As Gabriel García Márquez wrote:

“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.”

In all the years I have worked and lived away from my loved ones the things I remember most are the precious moments I spent with my best friend, sometimes doing nothing more than walking the streets of my village. Early in the morning, the little talks I had with my family over coffee. The things they said or did, the tranquility that enveloped me despite the noise around me. And then with the passing of time, one by one they leave you, or you leave them behind in search of a better living. You have priorities now that take over your life and you don’t have time for feelings and emotions and they get suppressed. Because fate like some wicked witch has your life in her grip once again. And you wonder if others think of you the way you do about them.

“I was afraid of looking into my heart…afraid of thinking seriously about anything…I did not want to know whether I was loved, and I did not want to admit to myself that I was not loved…” Ivan Turgenev

You hear the song “Here today, tomorrow gone, say goodbye and life goes on” playing in your head and you worry. But:

“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry: Worry never fixes anything.” Ernest Hemingway


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3 Responses to I Was Afraid

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  2. Pa Larroque says:

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