Yesterday I was sifting through my drawer looking for something when I noticed my son’s high-school ID. I looked at his picture. He was just a kid then and yet it seems like it was just yesterday that we moved here. And I wondered at how time is such a relative concept.
When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up so fast and yet time seemed so slow. I was crazy about high heels. I used to love wearing my mom’s high heels. When I went to my grandparents’ house I used to go straight to my aunts’ room and put their high heels on and pretend to be a grown up. And now if I wear heels I can’t wait to get home and change into more comfortable shoes.
Later on when I became a young parent, at the end of the day, after a long and hard day teaching and taking care of my two little ones, I would collapse onto the bed. And the next morning it would all start over again. I noticed only the minutes and hours passing. I was building a life. Together with my husband, we were building a life and we were caught in an ongoing present, immersed in our daily jobs and routines and responsibilities, rarely noticing the days and years passing. Soon it would be weekend and then end of the school year and then the holidays would come. Before I knew it the new school year would start and we would go in circles yet again. The weekends would come, holidays would be here again. I always had more on my to do list than I could manage to take care of. But tomorrow would be the same as today.
But now it is different. As an old lady told me, “When you grow older, you realize that there’s less time left so time seems to be going faster and in later years it will go even faster for the same reason because there’s so much less left of it.”
As for myself, on the days that I feel time is flying out of my hands, it’s because I know I am not doing much with my life. Carl Gustav Jung wrote:
“Thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening and what in the morning was true, at evening will have become a lie.”