Are You A Winner Or A Loser In This Life ?
The reason I ask this question is because recently I met with a few friends and acquaintances. One of the women present, whom I was meeting for the first time, just asked me, “You don’t have anything, do you?”
Caught by surprise, when I looked at her she said, “I mean you don’t have a house or anything, you have nothing right?”
I hesitated at first and then said, “No, I don’t own a house, I don’t have anything.”
We left it at that at the time, neither of us said more. But then on the way home it dawned on me. All those years I worked hard to be who I am today, to achieve a place in society, to be a respected teacher and a human being, to try to be the best mother I could be, just to come to this? To be referred to as someone who has nothing? I never thought I had nothing. As I mentioned earlier, I am a mother to two wonderful human beings, a wife to a loving and caring husband, I have an extended family who love me, and I had a successful career as a teacher and if that’s not something then what is?
Who decides what a winner is? How do you know what you’re supposed to do and achieve so that you become a winner?
To me achieving success is not only about earning lots of money (although I wouldn’t mind having some) or winning trophies. It’s about holding a certain position in society and winning the approval of your family, friends, and relatives. And I have all that. The path I have chosen for myself so far, even with the “mistakes” I have made has led me to where I am today. Nothing I have done so far was wasted. And if that doesn’t count, then what does?
It’s true that like everyone else in this world I have ambitions. You see, I want to be a winner. Everyone does. I want to be recognized and/or rich and/or established or famous. Who could doubt the “real” me wants these? I want all that and more. After all these years the desire, the dream is still there and this conflict of wanting to achieve and yet to just stop for a while and enjoy the little things in life at the same time is excruciating. Maybe at a much younger age I have sought the approval of my parents my friends and society. I have been pushed by forces, driven by impulses to work hard and it has gotten me where I am today. But if that is not much in the society I live in then maybe I have nothing. But I would rather live my life surrounded by loved ones and of course lots and lots of books, than alone.
George Eliot wrote:
“The sun it shines so cold, so cold, when there are no eyes to look love on me…”