Are You A Winner Or A Loser In This Life

Are You A Winner Or A Loser In This Life ?

The reason I ask this question is because recently I met with a few friends and acquaintances. One of the women present, whom I was meeting for the first time, just asked me, “You don’t have anything, do you?”
Caught by surprise, when I looked at her she said, “I mean you don’t have a house or anything, you have nothing right?”

I hesitated at first and then said, “No, I don’t own a house, I don’t have anything.”
We left it at that at the time, neither of us said more. But then on the way home it dawned on me. All those years I worked hard to be who I am today, to achieve a place in society, to be a respected teacher and a human being, to try to be the best mother I could be, just to come to this? To be referred to as someone who has nothing? I never thought I had nothing. As I mentioned earlier, I am a mother to two wonderful human beings, a wife to a loving and caring husband, I have an extended family who love me, and I had a successful career as a teacher and if that’s not something then what is?

Who decides what a winner is? How do you know what you’re supposed to do and achieve so that you become a winner?

To me achieving success is not only about earning lots of money (although I wouldn’t mind having some) or winning trophies. It’s about holding a certain position in society and winning the approval of your family, friends, and relatives. And I have all that. The path I have chosen for myself so far, even with the “mistakes” I have made has led me to where I am today. Nothing I have done so far was wasted. And if that doesn’t count, then what does?

It’s true that like everyone else in this world I have ambitions. You see, I want to be a winner. Everyone does. I want to be recognized and/or rich and/or established or famous. Who could doubt the “real” me wants these? I want all that and more. After all these years the desire, the dream is still there and this conflict of wanting to achieve and yet to just stop for a while and enjoy the little things in life at the same time is excruciating. Maybe at a much younger age I have sought the approval of my parents my friends and society. I have been pushed by forces, driven by impulses to work hard and it has gotten me where I am today. But if that is not much in the society I live in then maybe I have nothing. But I would rather live my life surrounded by loved ones and of course lots and lots of books, than alone.

George Eliot wrote:

“The sun it shines so cold, so cold, when there are no eyes to look love on me…”


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5 Responses to Are You A Winner Or A Loser In This Life

  1. Hey, I’d say you’re a winner, with a loving family and a good job. It seems like that person was judging you based on material possessions alone, and that’s an easy trap to fall into. It’s easy to compare our lives with the lives of others and feel lacking, but in my opinion, if you’re doing good for other people (since you’re a teacher, for example) that’s success.

    Dale Carnegie had a great quote on this: “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

  2. Samir says:

    You may not be wealthy but you’re certainly rich!

  3. Material things don’t make a person successful. It’s what one does with what they have that makes a difference to themselves and those around them. I am at a point in my life where I am happy with what I have and who I share it with. The people in my life are far more important to me than whether I have a brand new car or a huge house. When I was younger, I felt I was a failure because I couldn’t get a job in my chosen profession. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom and whenever the question of “what do you do?” came up I was always a little defensive because I didn’t have a job. Now, I realize it didn’t matter whether I had an outside job. We may not have had as much stuff as those asking that question down their nose at me as if they were better than me. My time was well-spent. My children are our future and they turned out pretty well, I must say, probably because I was there for them instead of sticking them in some daycare that couldn’t give them the one-on-one attention that I did. THAT is more important than ‘all the tea in China’, as the expression goes. Don’t worry that you don’t have the ‘stuff’ that others think makes a ‘winner’. You are not a ‘loser’ if you have family and friends who love you. 🙂

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