For the past month or so now I have been trying to come to terms with myself and with everything in the world around me. I have been trying to find a reason for what happened and why it happened now of all times only to realize that there is no reason and that nothing can bring me peace but myself. In the words of Robert Fulghum:
“Peace is not something you wish for, it is something you make, something you are, something you do, and something you give away.”
As human beings we are all in pursuit of something in this life. Whether it is power or wealth, or love, family and affection. We seek that which makes us happy in our own and unique way. In the days and months that passed I have tried to continue to live just like before I lost my husband. And I have come to know that no matter what I do or what I buy or who I see I will never be who I was or how I was two months ago. And no one can make me happy unless I want to be happy. I have come to understand that happiness is a belief, it is a state of mind. And as Dale Carnegie wrote:
“Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.”
I might not be happy with my own circumstances, with the way things are for me now. Specially when everywhere around me seems so dark that to merely continue and live on a daily basis is a struggle. And yet I rise every morning only to go to bed at night like everyone else does. Life is passing by me day after day and try as I can I could never be someone else. Because in the words of Dale Carnegie:
“You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you. For better or for worse, you must play your own little instrument in the orchestra of life.”
If life has taught me a lesson or two it is that we can’t get something for nothing. Life never gives us something without taking something away from us. As individuals we all have a role to play in this life. We are daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles. Whether we like it or not we have to play the role assigned to us by fate or destiny or whatever we want to call it. We all have to play our little instrument, we all have to sing our song for better or for worse.
Robert Fulghum writes:
“You may never have proof of your importance but you are more important than you think. There are always those who couldn’t do without you. The rub is that you don’t always know who.”
And to think that I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a friend, a best friend, an educator and a writer, I think that peace may finally come to me.