Yesterday I started reading The Jester by James Patterson and Andrew Gross. A few pages into the book and the story seemed so familiar that I felt that I had read it already. A few more pages and I realized that although the story seemed similar it was a different book that I had read, The Siege by Ismail Kadare. Both books start with descriptions of the same battlefield, except The Jester takes place in 1906 during the time of Crusaders, while The Siege takes place in the early fifteenth century. They both describe the same scene, the same fight with arrows, the same wall that one party tries to destroy, the scorching bodies, the carnage.
And I thought, nothing has really changed much over the years, in fact over the centuries. Even this moment that I was having of remembering yet another similar story. And to use Elizabeth Berg’s words:
“On days like this, you wish everything would slow down; you wish time could just stop for a while. But of course that never happens. When a good thing comes along, time is like a flirty girl lifting her skirt and running away, laughing over her shoulder at you.”
Life is all about situations. Situations we find ourselves in, either by accident or of our own making. And right now I am in a situation where I have to yet again make a choice. I say yet again because I am also at a stage in my life where I cannot afford to take any risks and make mistakes. Because I have reached that age when even if I have the intention I do not have the stamina nor the energy to see it through.
Elizabeth Berg writes:
“All your life there are going to be defining moments. Turning points, where it will be up to you to decide something. And your job is always going to be to know what is true for you, what’s right, and then to act on it.”
See the problem with me is that I have reached what I think and like to believe to be the autumn of my life. After this there is only winter. There are no more springs or summers for me. Hence the choice I will have to make has to not only be the right choice but also the best possible choice.
When I take a moment and think about it, my whole life I have always been careful in making choices. Choices that would enable me to spend my last years doing the things I would have loved to do most. And when I thought I had it all at some point and then somehow lost it all it makes me feel tired. That is certainly how I feel now; I am just so tired.
“I guess it always hurts to move away from something, even if it’s not another city you’re going to, but another way of being.” Elizabeth Berg