My Memory Is In My Hands

For a long time now I haven’t been able to sleep well, if at all. Some evenings I am so tired that I retire to bed early at around ten. But the moment I put my head on the pillow I would be wide awake. I toss and turn doing my best to avoid switching on the lights again hoping that somehow I will drift to dreamland. But in vain. Undesirable and ugly thoughts start cramming my mind at that time and all I can do to shove them away is think that I am writing a book.

I start with the characters and then some kind of plot until I am well into the story. I form sentences and even whole paragraphs in my head. I don’t take notes, and I don’t write anything down even though I always keep my pen and notebook on my night table. And before I know it my alarm clock rings and I have to get up to start the day and everything just gets totally wiped out from my memory.

As Rebecca West wrote:

“My memory is certainly in my hands. I can remember things only if I have a pencil and I can write with it and I can play with it.”

I sit at my desk to write but unfortunately nothing happens. I feel so spaced out that I somehow even forget to answer my fellow bloggers’ comments. And for that I do sincerely apologize.

I ask myself is this writer’s block? Am I suffering from it? Or is there too much going on in my life now that other things take priority? Only a few months ago life seemed so simple. Could it be that this month and the next are a month of anniversaries and birthdays? It was like:

“My life was hurrying, racing tragically toward its end. And yet at the same time it was dripping so slowly, so very slowly now, hour by hour, minute by minute. One always has to wait until the sugar melts, the memory dies, the wound scars over, the sun sets, the unhappiness lifts and fades away.” Simone de Beauvoir

Long gone are the days when I posted my article ‘Planning The Dishes’. Here’s what I wrote then (almost a year ago):

Do you like washing the dishes? Well I don’t, but I do it anyway. Since I don’t have the patience to load the dishwasher and wait, I am constantly washing the dishes when I am at home.

I guess by now you all know about my love affair with early morning coffee and books. Every morning I wake up as early as five, sometimes even earlier, so that I can have coffee and read my book and scribble for a while before starting work. When I enter the kitchen in the morning to make coffee, I like to find everything in its place and the sink clean of dirty dishes. Lately, however, since my kids have grown, this rarely happens. No matter how late in the night, I try to wash and wipe and tidy up. Then I go to bed and the next thing I know, the microwave is working, the kettle is on, the fridge door opens, and every imaginable sound (needed to prepare a meal) emanates from the kitchen. And I drift into sleep with this lullaby.

Yesterday after I successfully published my post, the notification I got from WordPress was a quote from Agatha Christie:

“The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.” Agatha Christie


Haha! Coincidence or what? I laughed my heart out. At least I got that part right. Right?

Have a great day planning your stories everyone!


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