Have you ever thought about the many people you have come to know during your lifetime? Have you ever wondered at some point in your life how and why you have lost contact with them over the years? Some you have willingly driven out of your life, but others you would have loved to keep as a part of your life have disappeared along the way. You have been so busy following your dream or building a career or pursuing your ambitions, only to realize that towards the end when all is said and done, the time you spent with those people, the meaning they brought to your life, are the only moments worth remembering.
And then by some chance you meet them once again, they come back into your life, and you realize how stupid you have been in the first place to have let them go. You realize how meaningful and rich your life is with them around you and you don’t want to let them go. Yet you move away, miles and miles away this time in pursuit of a better and peaceful life for your children. And then again destiny or fate or God or whatever name you choose to give it plays its dirty trick on you and you lose your better half. That’s when you start wondering whether, all things considered, it was worth the sacrifice.
When my children were still very young I made a pact with my husband that I would teach full time, do extra work tutoring in the evenings until my children graduated from college or university and then I would retire early to write. Now years have gone by, I am sort of retired and have lots of free time to write. But I am missing my second half, the only person in my life who believed in me and made me feel whole again. And I am shocked. I am shocked at the threadbare nature of my personal life. I am shocked at how I had taken everything I had for granted and never, not even once, had it occurred to me that things could end this way.
And now in my state of transition, I find that managing my time is far, far harder than I had in any way anticipated. I have to learn to adjust to this new stage of life. I know it is not going to come from without. It is going to come from within. I look at life quite differently now. The line that separated life from death is very thin and anything could happen anytime. As well as I know and fear that it could have been worse. I have my memories of a sweet and happy life full of love and promises.
As Gabriel García Márquez wrote:
“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.”