And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Dream(n)- vision, reverie, nightmare, hallucination, delusion, trance, fantasy, aspiration, delight.

Dream(v)- fantasize, visualize, imagine, fancy, daydream, envisage, hallucinate, think.

During normal times when I would watch from my window the first snowfall of the season, I would do so with a smile on my face. And I would start wondering about things I wanted to do, about dreams I wanted to fulfill. Maybe it’s the quiet all around me. Everything seems so peaceful and the snow so white and pristine.

As it started snowing last night and I watched out my window the first thought I had was of my dearest husband. A year has already gone by and this is the second winter without him around. Last year to be honest I didn’t quite know what I was doing. I was in shock most of the time. And this year before it even started to snow I was sort of dreading this time. Another year without him.

My daughter says that every time it snows, she thinks of Robert Frost’s poem ‘Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening’ which is one of her favorites. Except, since we don’t live near any woods, rather than stopping to “watch the woods fill up with snow” she watches the streets fill up with snow.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

On days like this one, I just want to curl up inside with a warm mug of coffee and a good book, and to lose myself in the story, glancing out the window occasionally to see if it’s still snowing. But mostly I want to forget that he is gone. I want to believe he is here with me especially on a day like today. Because in the words of John Lennon,

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?” 

But, as Robert Frost writes, “I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.”


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