For the past week I haven’t written a single word. I say this with a sad heart. I had the flu and it was so bad that I had to stay in bed for a few days. It’s been years since I have been this sick. In fact I had quite a few things going on in my life which probably added to my not being physically well.
Writing is one part of my life where I don’t allow any compromise. That’s what makes it so appealing and attractive. The work I do, and I am sure most of you writers feel that way, is so completely my own. I write first for myself- to tell my story, to share my enthusiasms.
My life and the world around me has been so turbulent and chaotic sometimes that I try to find some meaning through my writing. And even though writing is a lonely endeavor, it all takes place inside my head, it is also the most rewarding for me.
See last week even when I was sick in bed and had sleepless nights I was writing in my head all the time. There were all these sentences and stories forming in my head but unfortunately I was too weak to hold a pen in my hand and write them down.
Hemingway once said that if you want to write, write about that one true story that is inside of you. Find one true story and write about that story. Last week was another milestone for me. The story I wanted to write about, my story, was my husband’s birthday, his second birthday since he passed away.
It was on Friday the 13th. The unlucky number thirteen. As usual I baked his favorite cake and waited for the kids to come home to cut the cake. It was an evening of mixed emotions. We were sad that he was gone, relieved that he was not in pain and suffering anymore, and mainly grateful for the time and life spent together.
Of the 57 years that he lived, we spent the 34 together. I never dreamed or imagined old age without him around. He was a giver by nature, and he gave me so much of his joie de vivre and so much love during those short years we were together. He gave me more than enough to not only last me a lifetime but also to write about and share with the world. And for that alone I am forever grateful. 13 is not an unlucky number for us after all. We will always love you and forever miss you.
Rest in peace my darling.