It’s one of those times again in my life when I can hardly control myself from being too negative or too pessimistic about most things around me. And when I am in that state of mind I cannot write. I cannot express myself clearly and pour my heart out when most things don’t matter to me anymore.
I think though that what contributes to our state of mind is seeing things and hearing them at the wrong time. When we are in the wrong mood, so to speak. As I think that most of us are happy by nature until something arises to make us unhappy. That’s when we start speculating, ‘If so and so had happened, I should have done so and so and I should have had a totally different life.’
When I reflect upon my life to see what made me happy it is almost always the quiet moments of everyday life. Like at the end of the day when all was said and done and everyone was at home. I know the moment I start to indulge myself in such fantasies of ‘I should have done so and so,’ I am stuck and cannot move forward. To quote Agatha Christie:
“Never go back to a place where you have been happy. Until you do it remains alive for you.”
It’s not always the same though. Some days I wake up with this feeling of being alive. This joy of having another day to be around my kids and be part of their adventure. And I like that feeling. As Agatha Christie said:
“I like living. I have sometimes been widely despairing, actually miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a great thing.”