I was leafing through one of my notebooks this morning, when I came to the following sentence that I had underlined in red.
“Work with your negative blurts and try to change them into positive affirmatives.” Julia Cameron
After I lost my husband I escaped the real world and found refuge in books. In the words of Louise Nevelson:
“I have made my world and it is a much better world than I ever saw outside.”
Over this past year I spent too many hours alone speculating on many issues, especially the nature of relationships and friendships. And I came to the conclusion that surrounding myself with people who know how to laugh and appreciate life has helped me realize that life is still good. Whereas negative people have depressed me more and made me angry.
Gradually I tried to forget the bad and focus on the good and that helped. In a way it helped me heal and come to accept things as they are. It helped me come to terms with my loss. And I realize now that I have reached that time in my life when I don’t like any kind of fuss or drama anymore. Nor do I have patience for the people who create it.
I continued reading: “Negativity blocks creativity.”
Looking over the past seven years, ever since we moved to Montreal, everything that could possibly go wrong in a person’s life went wrong for me, for us, for our family. No matter how I tried to look at things, no matter how positive I was, I became blocked unwillingly. That hurt. What I miss the most is my older self. Not the happy self. For I know and I have accepted the fact that I can never be as happy as I was before with him around. But I have lost touch with my inner child, my muse.
So from now on I will try to stay away from negative people and from anything that hurts, be it a person or a situation. And I will try and think and remain positive, and maybe even sign a contract with myself. Because as Brenda Ueland wrote:
“So you see imagination needs moodling, long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering.”
Happy doodling everyone 🙂