Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever felt that at the moment, at the absolute point in time, that one thing finally goes right something else goes wrong? Has it always been like this? Is this the law of the Universe?
Lately in the past year or so I feel that nothing is working for me. It’s even worse when I think about it. Every time I want to do something or start some kind of project that I get excited about something happens and I am back to square one. Even people tend to disappear from my radar. I fear that the minute I will get good news of some kind, that when something right will finally come my way, there will always be bad news accompanying it making it hard to go on.
Over the past few years or so I have been following the advice given to F. Scott Fitzgerald when he was having trouble with Tender Is The Night, that is ‘to go straight on through to the end of the damn thing.’ That’s right, to go straight on through life. When I feel my life is the worst and I am most helpless I have learned to just go on.
And it so happens that sometimes some day goes so off course that I can’t help but feel like a misfit. And on those days I just wait for time to pass by, for night to fall and the day to be over. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with just wanting to go on no matter what except the fact that along the way I have lost my faith.
I have lost faith in people. I have lost faith in the people I know and care about. The same way I have stopped believing anybody who says, “I was going to call you, but I was too busy, I couldn’t get a minute.”
I believe to quote Judith Krantz:
“If you truly want to make a person a phone call, no matter how busy you are, no matter how important you are, no matter how the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders, you can do so if there’s a phone available.”
But then who am I to judge? Who am I to moralize?
“Nothing is, everything becomes.”