“Are you ready?” Klaus asked finally.
“No,” Sunny answered.
“Me neither,” Violet said, “but if we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives, let’s go.”
A few years after settling in Montreal, my husband was invited to give an exhibition for his paintings in New York. He declined saying that he had a certain plan and that he needed a little more time to make his plan come true. He asked if it could be postponed for a few months, a year to be exact. They agreed. Little did he know that destiny had other plans for him too.
The perfectionist that he was he was always waiting for the right moment to do things. It never occurred to him that the right moment might never come. Voltaire wrote:
“We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.”
It’s hard being left behind. It’s hard to be the one who stays. Who said things will get better and easier? Days have a certain rhythm for me now. It’s easier during the day. On most days it is just a matter of getting through the day no matter how. But the evenings, the long lonely evenings are for breaking down. Come evening all I can think of is unfulfilled dreams, of opportunities lost, of a life lost.
It’s a horrible world outside. And I can’t help but feel frightened sometimes. I can’t help but worry about things, even trivial things. Things that I know I have no control over. Things like the future, the unknown. And I want to believe that if I am patient and I wait things will get better. To quote Paulo Coelho:
“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.”