Sometime during my earlier days whenever I bought a different colored ink for my fountain pen the first thing I would do is start doodling on a blank page. I would just write anything and everything on the page. Things that would not make sense at all to anyone and not even to me. I would go on like this for as long as the ink lasted in my pen. As Arthur Hailey writes:
“I never just sit and think; I do it by making notes because you doodle naturally. The first ideas are always very naïve, and I always destroy them because I never want anyone to read them.”
I too would tear the pages fearing that someone would read them. I wouldn’t even read them myself.
Afterwards however, I would feel guilty and blame myself for wasting my time instead of working on my story or novel. Usually the things I wrote about would be what upset and bothered me at that particular time. It could be something personal or a general idea or concept that I may have come across somehow.
“I start with a concept that outrages me, something that bothers the hell out of me. I think arresting fiction is written out of a sense of outrage. I try to find something with an underpinning of reality. I generally go back over recent history looking for a situation where the events have a conceivable official explanation but where the solution might be other than it is purposed to be.” Robert Ludlum
After all the years I just wish I had kept those pages somehow, somewhere instead of destroying them. I don’t even know if I would have ever used them or if they were any good. All I know is that writing those pages have helped me a lot and led the way to this day.
To use Julia Cameron’s words:
“We should write because it is human nature to write. Writing claims our world. It makes it directly and specifically our own. We should write because humans are spiritual beings and writing is a powerful form of prayer and meditation, connecting us both to our own insights and to a higher and deeper level of inner guidance.
We should write because writing brings clarity and passion to the act of living. Writing is sensual, experiential, grounding. We should write because writing is good for the soul. We should write because writing yields us a body of work, a felt path through the world we live in.
We should write, above all, because we are writers, whether we call ourselves that or not.”