These past weeks have been stressful to me. A lot was going on in my life and I had too much on my plate to handle. But thankfully all is settled now and I am hoping for better days to come.
When we first moved to Canada from the troubled Middle East, we were so happy. We had achieved our goal of taking our kids to a stable and great country where it would be easier for them to live a normal life and pursue their dreams. That was eight years ago.
I spent most of the last two years trying to heal my wounds. I had lots of questions to deal with, some of which I still can’t find answers to. I’ve come to terms with my husband’s death but the one thing I can’t get over is how he didn’t get the chance to live out his dream, that of living the life of an artist.
Whatever he drew, sketched or painted, he did after a long day of hard work at the office. The only time he was free to paint all day was when he was already sick with cancer.
When I think of what he could have done or what we could have done any differently I can’t find any answers. Whether it was the fact that we were born and living in the Middle East where people have different values and where mere survival is a primary issue, and for that reason we believed that our dreams were beyond our reach, I cannot say: But as Julia Cameron writes:
“Most of us are not raised to actively encounter our destiny. We may not know that we have one. As children, we are seldom told we have a place in life that is uniquely ours alone. Instead, we are encouraged to believe that our life should somehow fulfill the expectations of others, that we will (or should) find our satisfactions as they have found theirs. Rather than being taught to ask ourselves who we are, we are schooled to ask others. We are, in effect, trained to listen to others’ versions of ourselves. We are brought up in our life as told to us by someone else! When we survey our lives, seeking to fulfill our creativity, we often see we had a dream that went glimmering because we believed, and those around us believed, that the dream was beyond our reach. Many of us would have been, or at least might have been, done, tried something, if…If we had known who we really were.”