I have a Daily Horoscope App on my phone that I check once in a while, always hoping to hear something positive about my future of course. Yesterday’s reading was no different. It said:
“Something is coming to an end. Some big and comfortable chapter is coming to a close. Even though you are a dynamic and forward -thinking sign, Aries, this may have you feeling a bit weak in the knees. You don’t want this era to end. You don’t want to move on to the next thing. In certain areas of your life predictability feels good, and this is one of those areas. However, the stars are asking you not to think of endings; the stars are encouraging you to think only of new beginning. There are many set up in your life very soon.”
I have always worked. I have always waited anxiously for my salary. And I know how safe it feels to have a full time job, any kind of job. Quitting my job five years ago was not easy. But I had to. I never regret being with my husband and caring for him. Sometimes I wish I could have done more.
I remember about a year ago while talking with a professional, I expressed my wish to go back to work and she said, “Be careful. You are not ready yet and sometimes our emotions affect our physical well being. When the time comes you will know.”
I think the time for me has come. Since I strongly feel the need to do something with my life. At my age though and after being away from the real working world for five years I don’t think I can go back to teaching again. All I want to do is write. Not only because it gives me hope and makes me feel good about myself and the world around me, but also because I feel I have so much to say and give.
In his autobiography published in 1950, Anthony Trollop wrote:
“I still felt that there might be a career before me, if I could only bring myself to do the work. I don’t think I much doubted my own intellectual sufficiency for the writing of a readable novel. What I did doubt was my own industry, and the chances of the market.”
I don’t doubt my productivity as much as I doubt the market. See back then chances for publishing a novel were far greater than nowadays. And yet if I take it one step at a time and commit myself who knows what may happen. As Anthony Trollope put it:
“… But my experience tells me that a man can always do the work for which his brain is fitted if he will give himself the habit of regarding his work as a normal condition of his life. I therefore venture to advise young men who look forward to authorship as the business of their lives, even when they propose that that authorship be of the highest class known, to avoid enthusiastic rushes with their pens, and to seat themselves at their desks day by day as though they were lawyers’ clerks; – and so let them sit still till the allotted task shall be accomplished.”