Lately I have fallen behind in my writing. It not only has to do with the fact that I am busy working but part of me still feels blocked in some self doubt and negative thoughts.
“Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and acceptance.”
Creativity flourishes when there is security! Perhaps I am still missing that sense of security. Because all I have been doing lately is sort of fantasizing about writing instead of actually doing it. The thing that scares me most is that of late, every time I try to write, my writings take me to that place within me that’s still so dark. A place that I do not wish to visit even in my dreams.
I thought I had finally overcome those thoughts and emotions. Feelings that leave me paralyzed every time I fall back on them. For the last year or so I have tried to spend more time with people who make me feel good about myself. I have tried to stay away from all those who somehow upset me and left me drained each time I had a conversation with them. It took a lot of courage to do so (and a lot of help from the professionals) but it was worth it.
What has helped me most to get out of my stupor is my lists. I start jotting down what I don’t like about myself. After listing my limitations, so to speak, I try to list all that I have (nothing material) and like about myself as a person. Then I compare the two lists. The good and the ‘haves’ always overcomes the bad and the ‘not haves’. And I have never lost faith, not even once throughout this entire ordeal. Faith to me is believing in myself and the people around me, especially my loved ones. Because as my friend’s status on Facebook said:
Those we love don’t go away.
They walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.