You were in my dream last night. In my dream I was asleep when I heard a noise like someone talking. I woke up and walked to the sitting room. I saw you standing by the window overlooking the deck, talking to someone. I didn’t see who, I just heard your voice. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so overjoyed I started crying and rushed into your arms.
“You came back! You came back!” I shouted at the top of my voice. You smiled your beautiful smile at me and you held me in your arms and told me,
“Shh don’t cry, you’re doing fine, you really are. Shh everything will be okay, you‘ll see.”
And in my dream I could feel that something was wrong- I heard myself say this can’t be, he’s dead. He can’t come back. I woke up and dumb as I am I even walked to the living room only to find it empty and have to face the harsh reality.
My dream felt so real though. I heard your voice. I looked into your eyes and they were smiling and it felt so good. I didn’t want to wake up from it. I wanted it to last forever.
Sometimes I wonder if we were still in Dubai where we had our successful careers and jobs, we had our circle of friends and colleagues, our group of supporters, where our life simply was much more organized than here, would it have made it easy for us to continue?
What bugs me most is how quickly everything changed. My perspective of life has changed completely. And I am sad today specially, because today marks the opening of an art exhibition in Beirut, Towards New Centennial, on the occasion of the hundredth anniversary of the Battle of Musa Dagh. Yesterday I received a Facebook invitation to the event.
I was surprised and disappointed to not find your name in the list of participants. You were among the first to capture the life of our villagers on canvas. The simple everyday life starting from the chair they weaved to the pot they used for cooking during those first years as refugees.
How can they overlook you as an artist? Is this ignorance on the part of the organizing committee or is there a certain criteria that artists have to meet and you don’t? Whichever is the case I think it is very wrong to exclude you from it.
On a lighter note, the other day when I was talking to a representative from the Canada Council for the Arts, she asked to see my blog. Moments after I emailed the link to her she called back saying, and I quote; “What a beautiful blog, very elegant, very simple and beautiful design.”
Those were her words my darling and she kept repeating it a few times. I felt a lump in my throat and at the same time I felt so proud. See you are gone but your legacy and your work remains even though some either forget or ignore it.
You continue to live through your kids who miss you terribly. I miss you, we all miss you more and more every day. How we wish that things had turned out differently for you and us.
May you rest in peace my darling.