The schools have started and summer is almost over, even though the weather is extremely hot still. It is a sunny day but there is rain in the forecast, so it could go either way.
It is a time for new beginnings, that I know. But I am skeptical. Just like the weather, with me also it could go either way. It is one of those days again. Even though I choose to sleep on the right side of the bed now, on some days I can’t help it. Try as hard as I can and want, sometimes I can’t help but feel desperate.
I am aware that the choice is mine. I get to choose the way I live. I get to choose to accept my fate and continue and move forward and look for solutions elsewhere. Or I just choose to stay where I am and wait for answers, answers that will never come.
Sometimes even if I try to move ahead I still need other people’s input for my projects. I need them to just give me the go ahead to continue doing what I am in the process of doing already. A sign, some kind of an acknowledgment, a pat on the shoulder, a push in the right direction.
Chances are what I am waiting for will not happen now, maybe never. Part of me tells me to forget the whole thing and start new. But there is this tiny little voice inside of me that tells me otherwise. Which is better? To never try or try and see and hope that maybe, just maybe, something good will happen.
Julia Cameron writes:
“We are never too old to be young at heart. Being young at heart means simply being willing to be a beginner.”
But until I get the ‘yes’ I am waiting for I have to do the next right thing. I have to show up at the page. I have to focus on the process, one word, one sentence, one page, one day at a time. Sometimes good writing and good moods do not go together.
I have to show up at the page without any expectation. I have to just hang in there. I have to keep the faith.