One of my biggest problems in life has always been to let go. I constantly worry about anything and everything. I remember a time when I wasn’t this tense. Maybe because my husband was there to share and lift the burden off my shoulders. I have difficulty to just be in the moment and try to live each day as it comes.
For the past couple of years I have been trying to get out of this bad habit. I say bad because I feel that by focusing my energies on the negatives I have become a blocked creative. The moment I sit down to write, I start thinking and analyzing. I ask myself why? Why am I doing this when my first book is not selling even though people who read it love it and say it made them cry. Am I wasting my time?
Then I get paralyzed with fear and uncertainty. I leave my page and go around the house doing things like emptying drawers and tidying them again and again, rearranging my library, mopping and washing until I am too exhausted physically to do anything other than grab a book and read. All the time feeling guilty for wandering away from my goal, my purpose and my spirit.
There is nothing in this world that gives me more pleasure than to be home with my spirit. To work and think lost and absorbed in my moment and let go of the rest.
The philosopher Plotinus wrote:
“In our best and most effective moments, when we really ‘enter into’ our work, we leave it behind…. This is the experience of Pure Spirit when it is turned toward the One. When we reach this stage we often doubt that the experience is real because the ‘senses protest that they have seen nothing.’ Hence there is a kind of unconsciousness in the highest experiences of the Soul, though we cannot doubt them, not in the least.”