Conversation Part Four

It’s a cold snowy winter morning in Montreal. I sit at my desk hoping to continue my conversation. I have taken notes in my journal of all the points that I would like to tackle in my blog. I start to leaf through my notebook.
It’s one of those days where I can’t focus on any task. There is a lot going on in my life right now and sometimes I find the simple act of getting out of bed and continuing with my everyday ordinary chores overwhelming. 

On any regular day, I would know what to write about without referring to any notes. But not today. Today I feel I need to silence the noise in my head and turn away from the world and unto myself. I try to relax, take a deep breath, and start reading.


On the page I have copied three quotes, and next to each I have scribbled in brackets (‘ideas for blogs’). The first two read as follows:

“You are the author of your life.”
“You are the choices you make.”  

I sigh and ask myself. Am I? Am I really the author of my own life? Have I truly written the script of my own life, where I have given cancer to my protagonist, my hero and killed him? How’s that even possible? 

In what universe would I have made that choice when I know that the world is a better place with him beside me. In what mindset would I choose to terminate the life of the one person who has made me a better person and my life worth living? How could I do that to myself and create a void in my heart that gets bigger and bigger with every passing day. Did I ever have any choice in this matter?

True, we make choices, but sometimes the universe does not support our choice. Sometimes providence or destiny or fate, call it what you will, plays its tricks on us leaving us with no choice but to accept what happened. Then what do we do? What can we do?

Faced with the harsh reality we do our best and try again, because there are others who look up to us and we have to set an example. We have to be courageous and faithful and hope that the day will come when we will come to terms with our loss and the void in our heart will not feel that big anymore. 

I sigh and continue to read the third quote:

“Borrow widely, steal nicely.”

I remember the book I took this quote from, a book on writing. And I return to continue my conversation of the previous week. Julia Cameron vs. Sarah Ban Breathnach.

In her book The Artist’s Way (1992) Julia writes:

“Collage: Collect a stack of at least ten magazines, which you will allow yourself to freely dismember. Setting a twenty-minute time limit for yourself, tear (literally) through the magazines, collecting any images that reflect your life of interests. When you spot them, clip them, buy them, photograph them, draw them, collect them somehow. With these images, begin a file of dreams that speak to you. Think of collages as a form of pictorial autobiography. Including your past, present, future, and your dreams. Now take a sheet of newspaper, a stapler, or some tape or glue, and arrange your images in a way that pleases you. Give your collage a place of honor. Even a secret place of honor is all right- in your closet, in a drawer, anywhere that is yours.” 

While Sarah Ban Breathnach, in her book Simple Abundance (1995), writes:

“You’ll have to visualize your ideal life. Now see if you can’t find pictures in magazines to match your ideal ones. Cut them out and create a collage on an eight-by ten- inch piece of posterboard. If you can’t find images to match your dreams, tap into the creativity deep within and draw a picture. When you’re finished, find a photograph of yourself that you specially like. Cut yourself in the center of your treasure map collage.
Above all, remember that no one needs to be privy to your personal treasure map but you. Keep your personal treasure map in the back of your illustrated discovery journal and look at it often.”
What do you think?


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