Conversation Part Five


I have a horoscope app on my phone that I like to check on a daily basis. Today morning after reading the first few lines I stopped. It read:

“You may be associating some experience from the past with a present endeavor, so an old fear may be creeping into your reality…”

I put my phone away and didn’t want to continue reading.
 
Fear- horror, dread, terror, panic, alarm, fright.

Jim Carrey in his 2014 commencement address at Maharishi University of Management (MUM) said:

“Now fear is going to be a player in your life. You get to decide how much you can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future. But all there will ever be is what’s happening here in the decisions we make in this moment which is based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”

Decades ago we moved to Dubai from Lebanon. It was during the Lebanese civil war and the company where my late husband worked was closing its offices in Beirut. We were lucky because he was offered a job in their Dubai office. It was a wise move at the time even though it was emotionally very stressful. 

Traveler

The war was still going on in the country and we were leaving behind our families and friends. But at the same time we were happy since we both had jobs waiting for us in Dubai. For us having a job meant security and peace of mind. So we kind of knew what we were getting ourselves into and we were not afraid to make the move.

By the time the civil war stopped we were already settled in Dubai. We had our circle of friends, and somehow Dubai had become our home away from home. Some of our friends moved back with their families to Lebanon but we were hesitant. We gave the matter a lot of thought and time. But then we were afraid. Fear prevented us from taking that step.

I think when a person is facing a challenge it’s not the challenge itself that’s scary, it’s what comes after, what follows. What if it doesn’t work out? What if we can’t find a job, or the situation isn’t as stable as it seemed?

Years later though when we decided to move to Canada, we took a leap of faith. We had hardly settled when my husband got sick and eventually passed away. We were in a new city, in a new country, still looking for jobs, and trying to meet and make friends. In our wildest dreams we never anticipated anything like this. 

But what bugs me most is that the first year we were here, my late husband was offered to exhibit his paintings in New York and he declined, saying “he wasn’t ready yet.” He never got the chance. He would never know what people would have thought about his paintings, how they would have reacted to his art. And that hurts.

Julia Cameron writes:

“Fear is what blocks an artist. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not finishing. The fear of failure and of success. The fear of beginning at all. Fear is the true name for what ails the blocked artist. It may be fear of failure or fear of success. More frequently, it is fear of abandonment. There is only one cure for fear. The cure is love. Use love for your artist to cure its fear.” 

Is it any wonder that three years later Sarah Ban Breathnach writes:

“Our dragons are our fears: Fear of the unknown. Fear of failing. Fear of starting something new and not finishing. Again. Or the real fear, the one that sends shivers up our spines: the fear of succeeding, of becoming our authentic selves and facing the changes that will inevitably bring.”

What do you think?

Have a great week!

ChK

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