“I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do.” Haruki Murakami
According to Miriam Webster’s dictionary a dream is defined as:
“A strongly desired goal or purpose, something that fully satisfies a wish; a visionary creation of the imagination; a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality.”
While the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines it as:
“The state of mind in which things going around one seem unreal- mental picture of the future; beautiful or pleasing person, thing, or experience.”
Hence a dream is not only a goal, but a visionary creation of the imagination. Something beautiful that we hope or wish or long for or lust after. It is a desire for a future that is beautiful and more pleasant than our present state. It is that which takes us away from our reality into something better.
Dreams have been part of us since childhood. We all have dreams. Whether it is to study, get an education, a good job, fall in love, have a family, a nice home, become the president of a bank or the CEO of a company, make more money. Our dreams are part of our fancy and they are what make our life bearable. They are what make us get out of bed every morning and face the day.
For some of us, in fact for most of us, our dreams don’t come true. We try. We live most of our lives struggling to make them happen but sometimes the lack of resources available to us or the circumstances we find ourselves in stand in the way. We put our dreams aside to take care of our loved ones. We stay in jobs, in places we don’t like because our families depend on us. And hence our dreams change. I know mine did.
At some point in my life I realized I will never accomplish what I had dreamed for myself. I learned it the hard way the day I lost my better-half, my husband of thirty years, the one I had dreamed of getting old together and spending the rest of my life with. I understand now that I will never achieve that dream no matter what, because it was taken from me on that cold November day five years ago. And on that day my life changed completely. It kind of took a U_turn, changing my priorities with it. I still have a hard time swallowing the reality of him gone as I am having a difficult time trying to come to terms with it. I know I have to before I can move on though.
The one thing I am more aware of now is my mortality. I know now that time is running out. Instead of continuously running around and trying to make things happen, these last years have taught me to slow down and be more attentive to all that goes around me.
After all these years of living and making mistakes, I think I have become more experienced. I have gained life skills I didn’t have before. I have a deeper understanding of myself. Today more than any other time in my life I know who I am and what I want to do. I know what makes me tick, what makes me really happy.
These past years have taught me to take things easy, to control my temper and become more tolerant. Waiting in the doctor’s clinic for hours doesn’t bother me anymore and I seem to care less about what people think or say about me. Although I still think I have to be less sensitive to criticism. I realize now that there’s a big world out there over which I have no control. But what I can control is my reaction to it.
To quote William James:
“The greatest discovery of my age is that men can change their circumstances by changing the attitude of their mind.”
So far in my life I have faced many challenges and overcome many obstacles. When I look back, I look with some satisfaction. Because whatever I have done whether in my professional life or my personal life, I have given it my all. I have done it well as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a teacher. Sometimes when my kids joke and tell me, “look at you, you’ve got so much white hair,” I tell them “It’s my right. I’ve earned it. Every single one of them I have earned.”
I still have dreams. Dreams that have been enunciated but have yet to be fulfilled. They are no longer about trying to achieve new heights and conquer the world. Rather, they are to write more and read more. To become a better mother to my kids, a better friend, and a better person. And to give back to the universe the only way I know how, by writing.
Helen Keller once said:
“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.”
On a personal note I would like to thank you for not leaving my blog and not giving up on me. It’s a blessing to have you in my life. I really truly appreciate you. Thank you.