“Man follows earth, earth follows sky, sky follows the way, the way follows nature. Don’t commit actions which go against the basic character of nature, don’t commit acts which should not be committed.” Gao Xingjian
The New Year is around the corner and I can’t decide on any resolutions. I gave up on promises long ago when I discovered that no matter what I decide or do, if something is bound to happen it will happen. As the saying goes, “if it is meant to be it will be.”
I believe that we can to some extent take control of our lives. I also believe in fate. I learned this through my personal experience. The truth of the matter is that even if you do everything by the book, destiny strikes and something totally unexpected happens that turns your life upside down. Fate is unyielding and humans are frail and weak. People experience realities which differ greatly.
As 2018 is coming to a close I look back at the good times and the bad times I had. I lost two special people who were very dear to me this last year. I regret not having made the time nor the effort to call them often. I regret losing opportunities to advance my career as a writer. I regret my lack of courage to approach people with my ideas and projects. I regret not being forward and persistent in chasing after my dream. I regret spending my time sitting like an idiot waiting for the phone to ring.
Too much critical thinking, too much rationality, too many implications! Life has no logic! Otherwise how can anyone explain why people fight? In a century that is most advanced of all centuries technologically, scientifically and medically, why is there so much violence? Why do innocent people get killed? Why do terrorists torture people? Why are women and children abused by people they trust most?
I used to think that when children played outside it meant that people were safe, that times were good. But time has proved me wrong again. Even children are not immune from falling bombs. Where is the logic behind all this? What is the meaning behind all this? I think I need to break away from this kind of thinking, this is the cause of all my anxiety. Life is to be lived, not understood.
To be a good writer, you do not have to have a complicated moral philosophy; a writer always tries to understand a little about life and pass it on. To be a good writer you not only have to write a great deal, but you have to care.
My perspective is always changing as I age. I don’t know where I am going and sometimes I don’t even know what it is that I’m searching for. Not knowing what one is looking for is pure misery. I sleep badly and I get up early and that sort of behavior damages my self-esteem.
Somehow these last months I was able to get myself out of my inertia. I managed to write a blog post every week since November 11, the day I decided to put a stop to all the nonsense excuses I created for being lazy. Thanks to my readers and fellow bloggers I am back in the game.
Kurt Vonnegut writes:
“When a man becomes a writer, I think he takes on a sacred obligation to produce beauty and enlightenment and comfort at a top speed.”
Writing takes a combination of complexity and purity, it takes integrity, a conviction that something is beautiful since it is right. Henceforth, my resolution for 2019 will be none other than to continue writing. I will try and write from the deepest part of myself and go on giving and writing, since I believe as always that the giving is going to be my best reward.
“All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.” Ernest Hemingway
Cheers to you all and a happy New Year!