“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” Carl Jung
Last Tuesday my horoscope from my phone app read:
“If you have been wondering about your purpose here on earth, today is a great day to gain some revealing insight on your life. You may be frustrated because life’s daily challenges, petty disputes and irritating problems are getting in the way of doing whatever it is you are meant to be doing. But if you take some quiet time to dwell on your purpose today, a window will open up to you giving you a clearer, sharper look at why you are here. Hint: those challenges, disputes and problems are part of the learning experience. So don’t curse them but rather embrace them for what they are.”
This past week has been a rough week. We had the biggest snowstorm of the year so far in Canada and of course here in Montreal. According to Environment Canada meteorologist Alexandre Parent: “With the temperature not exceeding -15 degrees Celsius, we have to go back to 1920 to see a snowstorm like this.”
On a personal note I endured a challenge last week. I didn’t see it coming; it happened just as I was back on track with my writing and I thought everything was okay. I’ve confronted and overcome many challenges in my life before, some even life-threatening, and I still do so. The fact that this affects my writing is when it gets depressing for me.
Feeling sad, bitter, angry, and discouraged, I started to doubt everything in my life. I asked myself questions like: “Could I have done something?” “Should I have done something?” “Was I right to do what I did?” “Why couldn’t I have been smarter?” “Why couldn’t I have been more alert?” and so on.
Joseph Campbell wrote:
“Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.”
It’s easy to become caught in self-doubt, weighing and analyzing the unseen factors. It’s like these past few days I have felt a force pulling me into the mysterious world of fears, worries, and regrets. I’m dragged away from the life I have into empty fantasies about the life that could have been, if only things had turned out differently.
I don’t remember who it was who said that life is like a game of chess and that “no one has ever won the game by taking only forward moves. Sometimes you have to move backwards to take better steps forward.” I tell myself I have to stop dwelling in difficult times. I have to stop this blaming process for the decisions I made decades ago. There is no need to count back over the past looking for wrong turns. I must choose to focus on the positive and avoid the negative. I cannot change the past but today I can perhaps do better.
Past experience has taught me that with time any given situation or problem resolves itself. The trick is not to panic, not to stress. Hence I must write. With pen and paper I’ll revise my world and my priorities- as much as I can for as long as it takes- or as long as is possible for me to do so. I must write myself into well-being.
I must make a wish list. Wish lists have always worked for me in the past. It helps me get real and be grounded. It helps me remember who I am and what my goal is. I only have to force myself to focus on the possible positive. I have to just keep on keeping on. I have to muster the courage to continue.
Creative changes begin in the heart. When I start within myself from my wish list and move outward, expressing what I love and what I value, life eventually will get better and I will feel better. Or so I hope.
Carl Jung wrote:
“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”