I Lost My Better Half

Perhaps some of you may be wondering why I haven’t posted anything for quite a while now when in the past I tried to write almost every day, or more specifically post an article every other day. A week ago from today, on Friday November 16 at exactly 2:00 pm local time I lost my better half. My husband of over 29 years, my best friend of 35 years, the great love of my life and the father of my children breathed his last breath on his hospital bed in Montreal.

We had checked in the day before at around noon when he started complaining of shortness of breath. He had cancer. The first time he was diagnosed was in 2009 and after two surgeries and intensive chemo and radio, and after beating it twice, the cancer had come back for the third time. He was once again undergoing treatment. Like his doctors he had such high hopes and was so positive. But on that day he felt so tired. He walked to his car to go to the hospital but unfortunately never walked back. There were some complications. That’s what the doctor on duty told us, me and my kids.

On the way back from the hospital, as I was driving, I told our kids that this was the saddest trip home. Sadder still when half an hour later his oncologist called his cell phone wondering why he didn’t show up for his appointment that day and his little girl had to answer saying, “My daddy passed away.”

My darling, your actions were louder than your words, you were always ready to lend a helping hand. When it came to your children’s needs and mine you used to jump on your feet ready to carry them out regardless of the time or place. We never heard you say you were tired or not in the mood to do a task or a chore, not even on the days you had your chemo.

You designed my weblog for me, you prepared an artwork every time after asking me what I was writing about, you didn’t even sign the artworks, you didn’t even want any credit for your work. So much talent, so much humility, so much understanding. You were my better half. We went through hell together, first during the war, and then afterwards in Dubai alone, trying to build a family. You gave me so much hope and courage and taught me that love is not only showering me with gifts and flowers on Valentine’s day, but holding my hand in the wee hours of the night when I was sick and looked my worst. But our good times outlasted our bad times.

When I asked you that morning if you were in any pain you said no but that you were tired and you wanted to sleep. Sleep has finally come to you. On your last morning, when the kids and I came to visit you, you sent your son back to university to sit for his exam. You couldn’t even wait for one more year to see him graduate from university. Unfortunately your time came too soon. In that one instant when you closed your eyes, your boy grew up to be a man.

On Tuesday morning when we saw you for the last time in your casket you had this smile on your face and the kids told me that daddy is smiling and he looks so peaceful. You hadn’t looked that peaceful since the day you found out you had cancer.

I am so grateful for the times we had together, for knowing you, for loving you. I am lucky to have met you and spent the best years of my life with you. You were the best husband and the best dad and the best friend and companion and soul mate I could ever have or ever wish for. You were my better half. You were my rock. I don’t know how I can live without you in this world. I feel such an emptiness already and pray that your memory will guide me to be there for the kids not just for myself but for you too.

You were an angel taking care of everyone around you, you are an angel now watching over us. Rest in peace my darling! Cancer cannot touch you anymore! You’re always in my thoughts and prayers, I will always love you and forever miss you!

ChK